On Leading Without the Ego
Plus, Coming Up in July: A Leadership Mindset Audit
Coming Up Next Month: A Leadership Mindset Audit
If you’ve ever found yourself circling the same conversations, hesitating on tough decisions, or feeling a bit out of sync with your team, you’re not alone. These moments don’t mean you’re failing – they often point to deeper patterns in how we think and lead. We’ve put together a Mindset Audit to help you uncover the thought habits that may be shaping your leadership more than you realize. With a little clarity, you can shift out of old patterns and into more intentional, effective leadership that feels good and works even better.
Watch for a NEW 5-day Mindset Audit coming in July! Be sure you’re subscribed to participate.
Want to Submit a Leadership Topic?
Have a specific leadership topic in mind that you’d love to see us cover? We’ve opened up commenting so that anyone can share their idea(s) in the comments. We can’t promise to pick yours, but we do promise to review and consider every single idea.
On Leading Without the Ego
For many leaders, stress isn’t just a byproduct of responsibility – it becomes part of their identity.
It’s easy to get into the rhythm of juggling fires, deadlines, and decisions and think, This is what leadership is supposed to feel like. The pressure. The weight. The constant managing and fixing. We start to wear it like a badge – proof that we’re strong, capable, and essential.
But what happens when the fires die down?
When the systems start running smoothly, the inbox quiets, and the calendar clears just enough to breathe?
For many of us, it’s discomfort.
And underneath that discomfort is a fear: that letting go of stress means letting go of relevance. That the calm leader – the one who delegates, rests, or trusts – might not be respected, needed, or even noticed.
For a lot of us, stress has become a strange kind of identity. It’s the thing that makes us feel useful. Important. Validated. And when it’s gone, we’re left with a more disorienting question:
Who am I if I’m not the one holding everything together?
In leadership, the ego often entangles competence with worth. When we’re managing chaos, solving problems, or being the go-to person, we feel necessary – even powerful. It gives us a sense of control, and that control feels like safety. The ego feeds off being irreplaceable – the one who knows, handles, fixes. So when things start running smoothly or we’re no longer urgently needed, it can feel like we’re fading into the background.
The quiet doesn’t feel like rest – it feels like loss. And when the chaos fades, the ego panics: If we’re not saving the day, what are we even doing?
So maybe the better question is:
What kind of leader am I when I’m not fueled by stress?
What if calm wasn’t a threat to your worth, but a sign your ego no longer needs to prove anything?
What if being available didn’t mean sacrificing yourself, but meant your presence was no longer driven by a need to feel essential?
Detaching from the ego’s need to prove our worth through competence isn’t easy. But it opens the door to something better: a leadership style built on presence, not proving.
Reflection Prompt:
When do I feel most like a leader – and is that feeling rooted in grounded confidence or in the ego’s need to be in control?
Try to take a few moments and write honestly about whether your sense of leadership depends on being needed, solving problems, or staying “on” – and what it might feel like to lead without that tension.
Be sure to follow along with the rest of our Managing Stress series! Next, we’ll be diving into how Judging vs. Prospecting team members handle stress. And next week I’ll be sharing a personal story of how I journeyed through burnout and back again. Stay tuned!