On Leading Without Being Loud
A quiet leadership Q&A with my INFJ colleague
Meet Angela! She’s the head of Customer Support here at 16Personalities and is an INFJ-A personality type. Her leadership style is Transformational, Adaptable, People-Oriented, and Democratic with a high inclination to lead. We sat down for a little Q&A on quiet leadership – and today I’m sharing it with you.
Think about your workplace. Does it celebrate the bold, outspoken leaders over the quiet ones? Most do.
Loud leadership draws attention – it rallies rooms, commands presence, and fills space with confidence. Quiet leadership works differently. It listens first. It observes, reflects, and builds trust through consistency and empathy rather than volume.
There’s nothing wrong with loud leadership (it can be inspiring and energizing) but I wanted to take a moment to appreciate the other end of the scale that often goes unnoticed.
For this piece, I sat down with my INFJ (Advocate) colleague who embodies that quiet strength. She shared how she’s learned to lead effectively without needing the spotlight – adapting her style to different personalities, creating space for others to shine, and proving that influence doesn’t have to be loud to be powerful.
What follows is a candid look at one INFJ’s experience thriving as a quiet leader.
Can you tell me about the first time you realized your leadership style was quieter or less overt than others?
In anticipation of becoming a department manager, my boss started giving me opportunities to hone my leadership skills, like acting as team lead.
I’d do a lot of prep work for cross-department team meetings, laying out my vision for the project and backing everything up with information and facts. But I also wanted to hear from others and ensure no one felt left out, so I’d open up a discussion.
I found that the other people in the meeting would often talk over me and dismiss my ideas. They would argue the best approach on a project and ultimately decide on the course of action that I had already laid out – but only after one of my team members suggested it. It was always a team member with a louder, brasher approach than mine. It was terribly frustrating at the time.
What did you do to fix this situation?
I ended up talking to my team. I told them how I felt – that when I suggested something, it was ignored, but when one of them suggested the exact same thing, it was received well. They were shocked and didn’t believe me at first. I told them to pay attention at the next team meeting. They did, and they finally saw what I saw.
After that, they encouraged me to be more confident in standing up for myself. They also took it upon themselves (I didn’t tell them to do this) to shift their approach in meetings. Instead of reiterating my ideas in their own words, they would instead say things like “what Angela said,” or “I agree with Angela.”
It was fairly life changing leadershipwise because it taught me that being more confident in my suggestions and trusting my team with my thoughts and feelings can have more productive outcomes even while maintaining a diplomatic approach.
“I’m quite sure that for every leader with a louder style, there is a quiet leader out there who is just as successful.” - Angela
Have you worked alongside a ‘loud’ leader? What did you learn from that dynamic, and how did you make sure your style was still effective?
Oh yes. When I was IT Director for a food manufacturing company, I worked alongside an Executive VP of Sales who was an Assertive Commander personality type – bold, direct, confident, to-the-point, and very good at his job. I admired a lot of things about him.
But many were afraid of him because of those qualities. He made people cry because he just was quite frank in his opinions and assessments of people and things.
My own style was quieter. I’d listen to others, formulate my ideas, then try to coach people to see where I was coming from and come around to my viewpoint.
He, on the other hand, knew what he wanted, was confident in that decision, and expected others to get on board quickly.
I modified my approach slightly with him. I actually find that that works best: if you can modify your approach to the personality type of the person that you’re working with, you’re going to be a lot more successful.
I knew he didn’t need me to be soft or hedge around to protect his ideas, because I wasn’t going to hurt his feelings. So with him, I started being more direct.
For example, if I wanted to respond ‘no’ to a request, then I’d just say “no, and here’s why.” For anyone else, I would have taken a softened approach instead of just saying no outright, and tried to redirect to something positive.
Because I met him where he liked to operate based on his personality type (with a direct approach), we built mutual respect and trust. And I didn’t have to become someone different to do this. I just leaned into the things we both enjoyed and appreciated – organization, information/facts, and finding an effective solution that made him happy.
Leaders often influence culture in small, everyday ways. What’s a concrete example of how you nudged your team’s culture without needing to ‘take the spotlight’?
Most IT teams I’ve led were full of Introverts. They quietly operated behind the scenes and if everything ran smoothly (meaning they were exceptional at their job), then their work was basically invisible.
My team members weren’t getting the credit they deserved, and I wanted to change that.
At first, I made sure to call out team members by name in meetings: “John’s leading that project,” or “You can thank Sarah for that fix.” But it still felt like I was getting the credit because I was the only face leadership saw.
So, with their permission, I started inviting my team members to those meetings to listen in and get more insights. (I reassured them that they weren’t required to talk, as I knew a lot of them wouldn’t be comfortable with that.)
As they got comfortable going to these meetings, they blossomed. They even began speaking up and answering questions from other attendees. They started to take more direct ownership of their projects, and because people now knew who they were, they were greeted in the hallways and called out by name for a successful project during all-team meetings.
It was such a small thing – adding an extra chair or two at a meeting table – but it transformed how my team worked, how they were seen, and how they saw themselves.
It shifted the team and company culture because it gave everyone a voice. I noticed that other department teams started doing the same after that. The table was no longer for just managers as it had been in the past, but it was also for people in the middle of the actual development and process. I feel like it fostered more job ownership and pride in their work.
Has there been a situation where your quiet or people-oriented approach was misinterpreted as weakness or indecision? How did you handle that?
Sure. Pretty much every leadership role I’ve had where I was hired into a group where people didn’t know me, I was considered weak and/or underqualified at first.
My approach has always been to lay low, stay quiet, and get the lay of the land. I’m not going to insert my opinion about people, processes, and issues until I’ve gathered information and gotten an understanding of who I’m working with. That quiet reserve is often interpreted as weakness or ineptitude.
I just bide my time with that. I have enough experience and confidence now to know what I have to offer and that I’ll be able to adjust their opinion as we work together.
Over time, those who do not typically appreciate a people-oriented approach, begrudgingly will admit it works for me. They find it’s sometimes beneficial to send me into a potentially emotionally volatile situation to smooth things over so everyone can move on and get things done. They aren’t going to adopt the way I work for themselves, but can appreciate its usefulness in certain situations.
“If you can modify your approach to the personality type of the person that you’re working with, you’re going to be a lot more successful.” - Angela
Describe a time where you felt pressure to ‘perform’ leadership more loudly to fit expectations. How did you navigate that?
I’m not sure everyone wants to hear this, but sometimes you just have to walk away.
Early in my management career, I worked for a bank that went through a merger. Afterward, I was reassigned under a new department manager and joined a group of managers who were a lot of things I wasn’t – loud, critical, and quick to say “no” to requests.
One time, my manager called me out publicly for being “too quiet” and told me I needed to be more vocal and deny requests more often. This hurt my feelings, and I was mortified at being called out publicly instead of having a private conversation. I disagreed with her but didn’t want to counter her points and be seen as disrespectful in front of others.
In this moment, I chose to focus on building up my small team and trying to meet our customers’ needs while just navigating the manager meetings as best I could.
My team’s performance was excellent, but it quickly became clear that I was not fitting the mold that was expected of me during the manager meetings. I ultimately decided it was not a good fit for me and left the company.
I don’t see it as a failing on my part, however. Objectively, I managed my team well and my team’s good performance reflected that. While I did attempt to modify to fit in with the group of managers, I wasn’t willing to become something I’m not. There’s a difference between adapting to someone’s personality and completely reshaping who you are to keep harmony or meet expectations. The bank demanded the latter – and that’s why I left.
Tell me about a time when you had to adapt your leadership style significantly to meet the needs of your team or organization. What was hardest, and what worked?
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned as a leader was learning to “not do”. As an Advocate personality type, my instinct was to step in whenever a project wobbled – to make sure everything ran smoothly and perfectly. My intentions were good, but perfectionism and over-responsibility can smother a team.
Early on, I’d often take over when someone hesitated, wanting to make sure things were done “right.” My team was talented and capable, but I realized my need for control was making them step back. Eventually, I was overwhelmed – doing too much, burning out, and frustrated that my team wasn’t taking initiative.
Then it hit me: they weren’t the problem. I was.
I had to accept that “my way” wasn’t the only way. (And that I couldn’t – and shouldn’t – do it all.) Success didn’t have to look like my version of perfect – it just had to get done, even if differently. People think and work in their own rhythms, and that diversity makes the team stronger.
Learning to step back, trust my team, and let them shine individually was humbling but transformative. Once I stopped trying to do it all, the team grew more confident, cohesive, and genuinely happy – and we had even better success as a team than what I could bring to the table alone.
What’s one practical habit or mindset shift you personally adopted that made your quiet leadership style more effective?
I tend to think a lot and do a lot of internal goal-setting – always adjusting goals as I learn more. Early in my career, I assumed everyone worked that way. During performance reviews, I’d ask team members to list five goals for the next cycle, expecting that to come naturally to them on the spot. When some struggled, I was puzzled. I thought maybe I hadn’t given them enough support or clarity.
Then I learned about personality types, and everything clicked. We took the test as a team, and I realized how differently people process information and plan. I started adjusting the process to fit those differences: sharing review notes a few days early so reflective types could prepare, leaving the number of goals open-ended, and giving more time for those who preferred to think aloud.
These were such tiny changes, but it turned performance reviews from something to dread to a collaborative map for their growth. I did not have to change my approach at all – I didn’t have to be loud or forceful to get results. I just needed to create an environment that spoke to their personality type.
The idea of making subtle environment changes to optimize the experience and productivity based on someone’s personality type is something I’ve taken with me everywhere since.
What would you say to leaders who worry that being quieter, more reflective, or more people-centered might hold them back in a world that often rewards louder leadership?
I think the world thinks that louder, more visible leaders are more successful. But I’m quite sure that for every leader with a louder style, there is a quiet leader out there who is just as successful. We just don’t hear about them because they are quiet, lol. They prefer a more under-the-radar approach and they’ve accomplished that.
My approach of quietly building up the individuals on my team has always worked for me. Why? Because when you have a happy, cohesive team, they produce. When they produce, the company is happy and does well. When the company does well, they notice your leadership efforts.
It’s also been my experience that when you prove something works, it becomes more accepted. Over time, people overlook the quiet/reserved component. You build a reputation not for being quiet or reserved, but for being able to work well with people.
I think that’s the key – you don’t have to be loud or bold. You can be an incredibly effective leader if you just see people and meet them where they are.
Thanks for giving visibility to a segment of people who often fly under the radar and were less likely to see examples of them because they don't seek out big loud platforms to showcase their leadership style! It's so hard to find a leader role model or examples of leaders like you when you're an introvert. More like this would be very welcome!