Day 1: How to Hold 1:1 Meetings That Aren’t a Waste of Time
The small fix that turns a meeting you dread into one you protect
Have you ever caught yourself 30 minutes out from a 1:1 meeting, drafting a Slack message about pushing it out or canceling altogether? If 1:1s feel like a waste of time on your already overloaded calendar, read on for the fix.
What’s coming up today:
The guilt-relief cocktail behind every canceled 1:1
Two very different 1:1s that work – and what they share underneath
The one small question to ask yourself before your next 1:1 hits the calendar
Welcome to Day 1 of our 5-Day Mastering 1:1 Meetings Challenge!
Over the next five days, we’re unpacking the pain points that keep 1:1s from being the meeting they were supposed to be. Today we start at the root – figuring out why so many of them feel like a waste in the first place, and what to do about it.
As I shared in the challenge kickoff post last week, the 1:1, done right, can become the highest-leverage meeting on your calendar. But for most leaders, it’s just a time slot they’re holding – and one they’re quietly relieved to regain with every cancellation.
Today, we’re going to address that feeling and look at how to hold 1:1s that aren’t a waste of time for both you and your team members.
Before we dive in, here’s a quick overview of what you can expect this week throughout this challenge:
Day 1: How to Hold 1:1s That Aren’t a Waste of Time (You Are Here)
Day 2: How to Make 1:1s Productive When There’s No Rapport Yet
Day 3: How to Deliver Hard Feedback in a 1:1
Day 4: What to Do When Your Team Member Isn’t Engaged
Day 5: Bridging Personality Differences in 1:1 Meetings
The Canceled 1:1 You Felt Relief About
Let’s start with the moment most leaders don’t admit to out loud.
Something comes up – a meeting runs long, a client throws a last-minute fire at you, your kid’s school calls – and you realize you need to bail on your 1:1.
You send the Slack message.
The other person responds quickly, warmly: no problem, let’s do next week.
And underneath the small pang of guilt, there’s another feeling. Relief.
If you’ve felt it, you’re not a bad manager. It’s likely that your calendar is just full of meetings, and losing one is a blessing.
It might also feel like this particular 1:1 stopped producing anything useful for you or for them. You don’t really know what you’d do with the 30 minutes if you kept it. Neither does the other person. So both of you quietly agree that next week will probably be better, and both of you know it probably won’t be.
If your 1:1s feel like this, today we’re going to look at how to pull them back in.
Measure How Well Your Team Operates
If your 1:1s feel like they aren’t producing the movement you want, it’s worth stepping back to check how your team is operating as a whole.
Our free Team Dynamics Quiz is a two-minute assessment that measures how effectively your team is currently running – and if there’s room to boost effectiveness, we’ll share specific tips on how to get there.
Why “I Don’t Have Time” Is Usually the Wrong Diagnosis
I don’t have time.
I have too many direct reports.
I can’t do meaningful 1:1s with eight people every single week.
Sound familiar? This is a common response when trying to get 1:1 meetings on the books – and I do understand the logic here.
But if we dig a little deeper, you might see that it’s not actually about the 30 minutes (or however long it takes for you to hold a 1:1), it’s more about that time not feeling productive or useful, so you don’t feel a need to prioritize it.
When you don’t know what a 1:1 is supposed to produce, you default to a kind of generic check-in – how’s it going, anything blocking you, great, see you next week – and that meeting is genuinely a waste of time. For both of you.
The fix is simple: knowing what this meeting is actually for, before you walk in.
Two Kinds of 1:1s That Work
Here’s what I’ve noticed in my own work, watching which 1:1s consistently pay off and which ones don’t.
I’ve noticed that the good ones tend to take one of two shapes.
1. The task meeting
This is where you meet to discuss or plan work. What’s coming up this week, what’s in the way, what decisions need to be made, what team members need from you. You both walk in with a clear sense of what the meeting is for, and you walk out with a list of specific things that will happen. It earns its spot on the calendar because it produces tangible movement on the work.
2. The trust meeting
This is a different animal. It’s a quick, unrehearsed, unscheduled chat that never shows up on the calendar. You might send a quick Slack message (how was your weekend, how are you feeling going into this week) or catch a colleague in the hallway. These chats work when they make space for a real conversation, and aren’t fishing for anything. They help build trust, and work even better down the line, after rapport has been established and team members have enough trust to answer honestly.
You can intermingle these two formats depending on your workplace and the specific team member across from you.
Maybe someone’s really private and doesn’t appreciate a more personal check-in (we’ll touch on what to do there later in the challenge). In that case, you might just hold task-focused meetings with them, and that’s fine.
Or you might mix a little trust-building into the opening few minutes of a more formal task meeting before diving into work. It’ll depend on your leadership style – and, again, on the person across from you.
The one small question to ask yourself before your next 1:1 hits the calendar
Before your next 1:1, ask yourself one question: What do I want this meeting to produce?
The answer doesn’t need to be lofty. “A plan for this week” is a great answer. “A check-in on whether she’s burning out” is fine. “Nothing in particular, I just want to give her 30 minutes of my attention” is also fine, if you actually mean it.
Then, clarify the intent in the first two minutes of the call, so your team member isn’t in the dark about what this one is for. For example, you might say:
Today’s about planning next week’s priorities.
I just want to hear how you’re doing – there’s nothing on my agenda today.
Let’s touch base on how you’re doing and then plan priorities for this week.
If your 1:1s were feeling pointless, then naming the purpose like this will give drifting meetings a shape. The other person knows what they’re walking into. And neither of you is sitting there wondering when it would be socially acceptable to leave.
(Note that you can drop this once 1:1s are recurring and you’ve established an ongoing format, but it’s really helpful in the beginning.)
By the way, if you haven’t taken our free personality test yet, now is a good time to do so. Knowing your personality type keeps you curious about what makes a good 1:1 for you – and where you and your team members are alike, and where you’re running on very different defaults.
What’s Coming Next
Tomorrow, we’re tackling one of the hardest 1:1 situations out there – running a useful meeting with someone you don’t know well yet or don’t have much of a rapport with. There are a few specific moves that work in cold soil, and we’ll walk through exactly what they are.
Further Reading
Take the Free Team Dynamics Quiz and get insight into the many factors influencing your team’s effectiveness, as well as tips on how to improve.
Uncover your natural approach to leadership with our Leadership Styles series. Discover which leadership style fits you best, build confidence in your decisions, and develop the kind of leadership presence that inspires others.
