Am I Too Quiet? What Introverted Leaders Need to Know About Approachability
Day 3 of the 5-Day Introverted Leadership Challenge
Coming Up
Why quiet leaders might worry they’re too reserved
How consistency builds trust faster than small talk
How to be approachable without being overly talkative
This Introverted Leadership topic was an anonymous submission from our Leadership Council.
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Let’s imagine for a second that you’re at work and you walk past someone’s desk and they look up, expectant. Like maybe you’re going to stop and chat about their weekend or ask how their kid’s soccer game went.
But you just wanted to get to the printer. So you give them a quick nod and keep walking.
Only, on your way back, you see a colleague has stopped to chat. And you start to wonder, Am I too quiet? Should I have stopped to chat? Do they think I don’t care?
I don’t work in an office, but I certainly know how it feels to not want to socialize and feel like an outsider (or start to question yourself) because of it.
So today, on Day 3 of the Introverted Leadership Challenge, we’re tackling a thought that might be nagging at you, too: “Am I too quiet?”
To recap, here’s an overview of where we are in this challenge:
Day 3: Reframing “Am I too quiet?” (You Are Here)
Day 4: Reframing “They always talk over me”
Day 5: Reframing “Leadership drains me”
Why Introverts Might Wonder If They’re Too Quiet
Chances are, as an Introverted leader, you care about your team. You pay attention to the work they’re doing, the challenges they’re facing, and how happy (or unhappy) they seem to be.
But you’re not the leader who’s cracking jokes in the break room or asking about everyone’s plans for the weekend. And you’re certainly not running any sort of “social warm-ups” before meetings (at least not by choice).
Your team probably doesn’t describe you as “bubbly” or “outgoing.” And maybe, somewhere along the way in your career, you were told that you’re hard to read, or not very open or approachable, or – my personal favorite – that you hide your real self.
This stings because you know it’s not true – you’re not closed off, you’re just quiet. And there’s nothing wrong with being quiet.
The problem is, we’ve conflated approachability with chattiness. In most workplace cultures, being friendly gets equated with being talkative. If you’re not making small talk, it can look like you don’t want to connect. If you’re not visibly warm and smiley all the time, people assume you don’t care.
But that’s not how trust actually works.
Not sure if you’re an Introvert? Take our free personality test. It has a 91.2% accuracy rating and only takes 10 minutes to complete.
